Hi,
Today was a good day. Casey is feeling much better- his molar hasn't poked through yet, but it seems to be better today. He spoke to Eric on the phone tonight because he was working late and said "Hi dada"...I told him to say it, but he did- two days in a row, it is amazing ! Nikolas learned to sign "more" and no longer bangs on his tray when he wants more food...we have been working on that for a while now. *A* had a visit with his great grandmother today and things look good for him getting to go and stay with her, we will know for sure on Thursday when the trail is. I am starting to pack a little bit (nothing that he will notice gone), just so that we will be prepared if it happens quickly. I feel good about him going there- he is such a sweetie and needs something permanent and I think that is a good place for him. Cameron called today and left the cutest message- but I haven't gotten a chance to call him back today (it is too late to call tonight). It is great to know that he still thinks of us. I am thinking of mentioning to his dad that if he wants us to watch him one day next week while he is at work that we would love to so my mom can see him (she flys in this weekend...it will be so much fun!). It would be great to see him. I heard from Jennifer today as well...she said that Zachary (Jordan) is starting to speak in sentences, however the hand and feet turning as well as the head banging is still going on. Torie (Jaden) is working on her "writing" and is learning to swim. I told her we got a Suburban and it feels like we are driving a bus...she said a Suburban is like a sports car to her- they drive a 15 passenger van, so that made me feel better. She also said that they had a homestudy today and that is one more step further to them adopting Jordan & Jaden- which I think is good, it needs to be finalized they have been there way too long to not be adopted yet. I sure have been thinking about Jordan a lot lately, everything Casey does it makes me think about when Jordan did that...occasionally it doesn't happen as much, but lately with the possibility of Casey leaving us- Jordan has really been in my head! I sure miss him, but sure am glad to know that he is in a good place. Eric and I are lucky enough to be able to keep in touch with every child that has come into our home. It makes you feel really good, like you have done something right. Not only have the relatives wanted to keep in touch, but the kids do too (Cameron). It is very rare for this to happen, and for us it has happened to every child we have gotten the opportunity to call ours.
Only a couple more days till my mom comes, I can't wait. It is great that she can make it to Nik's party. I can't believe he is going to be one next week...he is such a baby to me (I know he still is, but technically he will be a toddler soon). It will be nice to have an extra pair of hands, and she will really be able to enjoy those babies since it looks like *A* will be leaving before she gets here (although I would love for her to meet him- he does demand a lot of attention).
The best way to express how I feel right now about *A* is the quote we had on the back of our Teen Teaching shirt in HS..."Some people come into our lives and quickly go, some people stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never ever the same"- unknown . This can go for Cameron, Jaden, Jordan and every child that will enter my life in the future. We will miss him, but we will never be the same because we have met him- and I know in my heart that even though he is young, we will forever be a piece of his heart as well. I read a book a while back that I refer to all the time. It is written about a foster parent that has had at least a hundred children in her home throughout her life...it is the best book I have ever read and is my inspiration in writing my own- it is called Another Place at the Table. The one thing she says that stays in my head at all times is..." Fostering means knowing about things most of us would prefer to forget. It means recognizing that our best is not good enough. It means only knowing the difficult beginnings of a story and being forced to imagine the end. It means loving children who will ultimately leave us, then drying our tears and letting ourselves love again" - Kathy Harrison. This sums it up the best that anyone can. We will miss him, we will be sad and we will think of him and the memories and it will make us laugh. He hasn't been here long...but he has been here long enough to love and to care for, and to make us feel like we need to protect him and want what is best for him. We will move forward though and another child will most likely sleep in his bed and I will read them the same bedtime stories and he/she will color in the same coloring books- we will love another, because we can and we will still hold him in our hearts. It is an amazing feeling to know that we can do this. I am not sure how long...but no matter how much longer we do, any amount of time will make a difference to a child and ourselves. I am happy with what we are doing, who we have become and feel that I am finally doing what I was meant to do...I am no longer searching for what I want to be when I grow up. I have always wanted to be a mommy- and now I have been to many children and hopefully many more (although Casey & Nikolas need to remain permanent in this family). Anyways...sorry for babbling, it is nice to vent- even though my audience is captive (hehe)
I hope y'all have a great evening and day tomorrow!
